i can still feel

Maybe it’s the invasion of unfamiliar hands prodding the inside of my mouth or the anticipation of exposing a sensitive nerve, I’m not sure, but going to the dentist tops my list of least favorite things to do.

Just a week ago, I was lying back in the dentist’s chair, tense, awaiting the piercing of my gums – you will feel a small pinch - which would indicate that the local anesthesia could begin its critical work. I was left alone to numb.

A happy hygienist poked her head in, disturbing my train of thought. “I can still feel!” I cried. Put the drill down and step away from the weapon.

She slowly eased back out the door.

And while the Novocaine set in and my mouth felt strange and saliva dribbled down the side of my face, I thought about all of the ways in which we conduct our lives so that we can block out pain and discomfort.

I get busy. It’s hard to think and feel when my head is attached to a screen and my focus is on the vast array of to-dos that fill my head and yellow stickies.

I eat (and sometimes overeat) all those delicious, warm, and soothing foods that chase away any negative thoughts.

I used to drink, and I know I am not alone here.

And my closet would tell you that I have definitely purchased clothes that I did not need, but boy did it feel good at the time.

Yet, while blocking pain during a medical or dental procedure is imperative (thank God for that childbirth epidural), obstructing emotional pain does more to hurt than help us.

We need to feel our way through the emotional hurts so that we can feel the emotional highs; they go hand in hand. If we numb ourselves to our negative feelings, we are in danger of missing out on all the good stuff too.

When our children struggle, it’s natural to worry. When we are missing a family member far away during COVID, we will feel sad. When a friend lets us down, we are wounded. When we lose a loyal four-legged friend, we suffer. Life is full of these moments.

Go through them.

Cry. Write in a journal. Find a support group or a trusted friend with whom to share your feelings honestly. Be creative. Pray. Get outside for a stroll or a hike. Meditate. Be of service to someone in need. When warranted, seek help. And always believe that there is laughter, joy, and sunshine waiting for you.

These are the things I tell myself.

Because although I welcome with open arms the numbing effects in the dentist’s office, with everything else I want to make sure I can still feel.