team usa

Image Credit: @teamusa

I thought about this piece for quite a while.

I considered making it a conversation between two opposing political lawn signs, or a satire on Halloween where a less popular trick-or-treating destination goes on a negative marketing campaign against a popular Halloween hot spot.

But then I decided to give it to you straight.

This time of year, with Election Day looming, I often want to climb in bed deep beneath the covers - wake me when it is all over, please.

It’s not the competition or the healthy exchange of ideas that offend me, but rather the depth to which we are willing to fall, the lines we cross, and the way in which we treat each other, our neighbors, and our fellow Americans.

For years, while my husband was in Hartford, I had a front row, VIP seat to the political arena. He spent countless hours on the floor of the senate and even more time on I-95, but nothing made him happier than when he was able to help constituents and build relationships with colleagues - no matter their party.

But we have gotten away from those four incredibly important words - “no matter their party.”

I will not try and argue the many reasons behind this - the media, Trump, Twitter/X, “they started it!” to name just a few culprits.

But instead, argue their importance.

Certainly, some might say that there are benefits to the political party system. “Competition between parties is not just healthy for a political system but for the life prospects of the population,” said Gerald Gamm, a political science professor at the University of Rochester.

And while this may be true, discourse between the parties has turned mean and nasty, and the way in which we speak to each other is appalling. Respect and tolerance have been replaced by hate and judgement. And with mental health issues in our country skyrocketing, our political system is hurting the same constituents that individual politicians are trying to help.

In a study conducted in 2019, almost 40% of Americans said that politics was a source of significant anxiety, insomnia, and even suicidal thoughts. In another 2019 study conducted by Joel Benenson for Unite, two-thirds of those surveyed said that a “lack of mutual respect” was the most urgent problem facing the country — more urgent than immigration, addiction, or access to affordable health care.

Breathe.

A few days ago, I read David Brooks’ most recent piece in The New York Times, “The Essential Skills for Being Human.” There is much that I would like to pull from it, because it’s an important piece and a very worthy read (and good news - the article was adapted from his upcoming book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen).

But this quote struck me:

We sometimes think that really great people perform the sorts of epic acts of altruism that might earn them Nobel Peace Prizes. But the novelist and philosopher Iris Murdoch argued that the essential moral skill is being considerate to others in the complex circumstances of everyday life. Morality is about how we interact with each other minute by minute.

I am the first to admit that I do not always do this well. Fueled by a need to be right, and passionate about ideals that I believe matter, sometimes I am so focused on my own thinking that I do not give others’ thoughts the appropriate attention. And this is no way to interact respectfully minute by minute.

Our daughter is smack in the middle of her high school senior fall and college applications – it’s a lot (hang tough, high school seniors!). And I have been lucky to read some of her essays – and learn from them.

In one, she talks about her temperament, and the fact that she often remains quiet in situations until she feels comfortable. While she has always seen this as a weakness, a teacher once told her, “Quiet people tend to notice more about the world.”

I am not arguing that we take a collective vow of silence (although maybe that would be a welcome change), but I do think that the teacher was on to something.

Perhaps if we quieted ourselves - at least at this time of year - we might find the space to not just notice more about the world, but to appreciate it, and notice more about people, no matter their party.

I attended an event last week in support of the Olympics. I have always been a huge fan of the Olympics - I love the personal stories behind each athlete, the sacrifices and hard work that it took to get there, the dreams fulfilled, and the sheer competition of the events.

But what I prize most is the way our country comes together for the duration of the games to cheer on Team USA. For a moment in time, our differences are suspended, and we can feel a real – and united - sense of pride for our country.

And last week, I once again attended the Breast Cancer Alliance Lunch - 800 women strong, all bonded together to combat breast cancer and cheer on a group of brave women in recovery walking the runway. (Go Lisa!)

It is very clear that there is beauty in the world, and we know how to find it. And it is clear there is beauty in human beings, no matter their party - and we can find that too.

Go Team USA.